LIVING WELL / MOTHERHOOD

a story i haven’t told

the most important story

Today marks dear sweet Birdy's first birthday. This day, thinking back on this year, I felt compelled to tell a story that no one knows. And really, it is probably the most important story that I should be telling. I hope you'll take a moment to click over to Momformation to read it. 

xo.

molly

the most important story

Today marks dear sweet Birdy's first birthday. This day, thinking back on this year, I felt compelled to tell a story that no one knows. And really, it is probably the most important story that I should be telling. I hope you'll take a moment to click over to Momformation to read it. 

xo.

molly

46 comments on “a story i haven’t told”

  1. Thank you for sharing, I had a similar experience with my second child. I think my PPD set in later, I was better in the very first weeks but then around 3 months to 8-9 months I was not myself. I felt the same, nothing interested me. I knew when I was not knitting and that I didn’t think I’d want to knit again that there was a major problem. All I wanted to do was sleep, that was my only escape and I never got any sleep. It did get better but it was much closer to a year after my son was born. It was so helpful to hear that other moms had a similar experience, that I wasn’t crazy or a bad mother for having these feelings. Thank you again for sharing.

  2. Thank you so much for sharing. My story is different, but the same. It’s late here, and I’m tired, so the words aren’t coming right now. But thank you for being brave. I know other mamas will be helped and blessed by mamas like you who are willing to speak up.

  3. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. It blesses me and so many other mom’s that have been through it or will in the future. God Bless!

  4. I had ppd so bad with Tristan and it didn’t even really set in until he was more than 3 months old. It took me a long time to go the doctor too. I remember crying to Stefan that I didn’t want to be [labeled] crazy. Motherhood can be a hard road. I’m glad you got help and are talking about it so maybe others see they are not alone.

  5. Oh, honey. It breaks my heart that it took you so long to talk to your doctor. I was never treated for #1, but I should have been. For #2 I was treated for a year, and we went ahead and treated for #3 — before the symptoms ever showed — for six months. What a difference it makes when momma is…okay. Your story is so well written and necessary. May it speak to the heart of some momma out there that needs the nudge. Bless your brave heart for writing this. xoxo

    (You bet we’ll be treating again with #4.)

  6. I’m sorry you felt like this was something you wanted to hide! It is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Many, dare I say most, of us mothers have been through this. I dealt with it with Charlotte and looking back, I think with Elise, too. Six months of antidepressants put me back on track. My chemical make-up just needed a reset. It sounds like yours did, too! I’m glad you are working through it. And never be ashamed of feeling what you feel!

  7. Thank you so much for sharing your story. My ppd didn’t set in until 7 months after I gave birth, and then it still took me three more months to get help. Mothers need to know that this can happen months after having their baby, and feel comfortable asking for help. Just the act of going to the doctor and being understood is, in itself, liberating.

  8. Oh, Molly, glad you’re feeling on the mend. I had anxiety attacks after my first and third and they were so, so scary. I thought I was having a stroke. This month marks the one year mark and I am grateful for making this far, but scared it will happen again. Seems like you have things in place to stay healthy and if it comes again you know where to get help.A friend of mine wrote a good article about a girl from my high school that was struggling, too, unfortunately with a horrible ending.http://www.mspmag.com/health/features/128754.aspPeace to you and happy birthday to your sweet babe!Sarah Jane

  9. Wow, thank you for sharing this. I don’t yet have my own children, but it is encouraging me to know that there are women out there who are willing to share their struggles with motherhood, depression, life. Thank you, thank you for being open and willing to share something so deeply personal.

  10. it is good to know we’re not alone. i struggled with ppd after having each of my 3 children, and each time was worse than the time before. now, pregnant to near-bursting with my fourth, i am bracing myself for the storm to follow. i feel better prepared this time just knowing it’s coming, and i’ve already gathered a small group of close friends that i trust and know will help at the first sign of need. though i know it won’t help if i’m not willing to admit my needs. so here hoping i can stuff my pride in a sack and do what’s necessary.thank you for sharing such a personal story.

  11. As I’m thinking about this again, I’m marveling at how many of us mama bloggers have had this experience…and yet said nothing on our blogs, leaving everyone else to feel as though they are the only ones (though frankly, the last thing that a mama with PPD wants to do is blog, right?). I am so grateful to you for sharing your experience. Speaking as a mama who’s had it 2 times out of 4, it really is so much better when you can reach out for help. xox, friend!

  12. What a strong woman you are first to carry this burden alone, then to have the strength to tell it to the world. Thank you for sharing

  13. You wrote this just so perfectly molly. Thank you for sharing it with all of us. I had PPD with Olivia and it was just awful. I’ve always thought that every mom who speaks openly about their depression helps to lift the stigma.

    Happy happy birthday to you and that sweet Birdie. xo, rachel

  14. I will echo my gratitude for your writing. Like so many who have already commented, I went through it too, and it started a few months after my son was born. Like you, I took a long time to tell the doctor! I’ve been comforted by your story (and not for the first time on this blog!). I’m due to deliver our second in a week’s time, and this is certainly something that has been on my mind!

  15. Thank you for sharing. My first is nearly one, and I’ve had my share of struggles this year. I hope motherhood continues to improve for us both.

  16. Thank you for sharing this.I’m taking it to heart. As someone with a personal and family history of depression, I know how hard it is to ask for help. If I get pregnant, I will talk to my doctor and family then, before the baby. Hopefully I can have a team watching out for me, to see through me and make sure I get help if I’m putting on the I’m ok act.

  17. I was never brave enough to admit to the way I felt and seek help the first time round. And so it took me a long time to pluck up enough courage to have my second. But I made a silent vow to myself that if it happened again, I would admit it and get help. It never did, but I weep for the year I lost because those closest to me sat by and watched me sink under the water time and time again and did absolutely nothing to make me get some help.Happy birthday Birdie!

  18. I can’t believe it’s been a whole year since Birdy was born. That was my very first thought!

    My heart aches for the lonely you who suffered in silence. As hard as ppd is, it’s even harder to go it alone. I am so glad that you were able to see you needed help & to ask for it.

    I lived with fairly serious depression in my early 20’s for two years and so I know I didn’t have ppd with my babes. But having experienced that darker place, I have a vague inkling of what it might be like. My thoughts go out to anyone who has ppd and I hope they hear your message.

  19. Thank you for sharing your story. My PPD came upon me fully when my babies were over a year old, and I thought it couldn’t be PPD because I didn’t have a newborn. I had a wonderful midwife who took away the stigma of medication for me, and I’ve been on it ever since (Owen is now three).

    I never want to go back there again, and have decided that if medication makes me feel like myself, then I’m not going to worry about it!

  20. Thank you for sharing Molly. Your strength and courage is tremendous. Never be embarrassed about what the journey of Motherhood brings – the good and the bad. I hope the sharing of this brings you more peace and strengthens you further.

    and HAPPY BIRTHDAY Birdy! Have a wonderful day celebrating!

  21. That was so well-said. It can feel so scary putting those kinds of events out there for the world to see.

    I was probably depressed after my first, but it was much worse after my second. I had had a miscarriage with complications in between my two living children, and then needed a C-Section with my second. I had so many feelings swirling around, a baby and a strong-willed preschooler to care for. I almost lost my mind before I humbled out enough to get on meds, but they have made such a difference. I fought depression on and off for over 20 years, but it is such a different beast when children are involved.

    Happy Birthday to your little one!

  22. Molly,Thank you so much for sharing this. I have a history of depression and am pregnant with our first. I’m worried about how badly it will get me, but it’s so reassuring to hear a “success” story (though I’m sure it didn’t feel like it for a long, long time).

    Happy birthday to Birdy and happy freedom to you.xo

  23. Hi Molly, Happy Birthday to Birdy! And thanks for sharing your heart and story with everyone – it’s hard to understand how raging PPD can be until you’ve been there, and you’ve made it through. I’m sure you’re relieved to feel like the real you is emerging once again. Take care of yourself! And please say hi to Dan.

  24. Thank you for sharing your story. I’ve been through it with all three of my children… hormones and body chemicals are strange things. I understand being embarrassed to tell. Heck, I was even embarrassed for my husband to know. Letting go of “I can handle everything because don’t you know that I’m Queen of the World?!?” is often the toughest part for me. But you telling your story helps others know that they aren’t alone… and sometimes just that is enough to help others begin the descent out of the darkness.

    Happy Birthday to Birdy. =)

  25. I’ve been there, Molly. I was bluesy after baby number one. I had very, very, very severe depression after baby number two. So bad that I couldn’t get out of bed. It was not diagnosed until he was almost 7 months old. I took medication for over a year. It was very, very hard. When I started my blog, I was in the middle of it. I wanted to be candid about my experience, but it never ended up happening … there were other things to write about, and a community to get to know. When I was pregnant with Fiona, I was so afraid that it would be as bad (or worse) as the previous time — something I didn’t think I had the strength or fortitude to survive again at that time in my life, having just moved and gone through so much transition. Kyrie and I started our blog, near:far, in an attempt to help ourselves and to reach out to others who might have PPD experiences of their own. After 6 or 7 months, we stopped the project because at that time, Kyrie was feeling very well, and although I was having bluesy moments still (with a 5-month-old), it didn’t seem to be the thing I needed. It was becoming more a photo gallery of the babies, which I didn’t like — it didn’t feel in the spirit of why we created it — and so we just let it go.

    Anyway, I have tried to talk about this, but I agree with you that it’s hard! Even though we need to get our stories out there. Mamas need to know that they are not alone. It’s not our fault, it’s a disease.

    Hugs to you, Molly. I’m so glad that you are doing so much better! I’m so glad you wrote about this — I know how hard it can be. You are a courageous, strong mama!

    xoxox

    PS: Happy birthday to your little Birdy!

  26. thank you for sharing Molly. I too suffered from ppd and never sought help. With my second I finally just broke down and went to see my doc. Within 2 weeks of taking the medication I was feeling remarkably better and all I could think was why didn’t I do this sooner.I try to talk about my experience when I can so that people know there is help and that you can feel better.

  27. oh, molly. you are a brave and beautiful soul. i’m so happy you found your way back to the light. happy belated birthday to your sweet girl. xx

  28. Molly,

    So glad to find your blog today, after a great conversation with your mom. Love your site – the simplicity, the content, the beauty. And the story telling. This, particularly, speaks to me as there are a few stories of my own I’ve yet to share, though recently I heard someone say, “don’t waste where you’ve been.”

    Thanks for the inspiration. I’ll keep you posted. 🙂

    PS I see that you and I have at least one mutual blog connection in Ann Voskamp. Cool!

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