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new growth

P1010041

I’ve been learning two little parenting lessons these last few weeks.

The first one is this: no matter how I discipline my children, the most important thing is how that discipline ends.
I haven’t been finishing well, lately. Oftentimes, my frustration or anger has gotten the best of me, and I was simply satisfied with the consequences for the bad behavior–a lost privilege, being sent to a bedroom. I wasn’t finishing the job. I’m learning that the most effective part of the discipline is how I end it–a calm talk, a restatement of why everything happened in the first place and most importantly an embrace. I’ve noticed how often that last embrace involves a release for my children, a letting go, a starting over. And it usually involves tears–tears asking for forgiveness. And sometimes, I need a little of that forgiveness too when I’ve handled the situation with a little too much anger or impatience or close-mindedness.  So I’m doing my best lately to finish discipline and finish well.

The second thing I’m learning is the power of encouragement.
I’m learning this from my grandmother. I’ve never met another person with such an ability to make you feel good about yourself. The simplest act gets overflowing, but sincere praise and appreciation. It makes you want to do special things for her or give your best effort for her because of her heartfelt, grateful reactions. My kids pick up on it, too. They rarely walk through her door with out some piece of artwork to give, or a found feather to share, or an update about kittens and mud puddles.  And they get all of her attention, excitement and lots of encouragement.
I’m trying to put more encouragement into my parenting as well. I know my children love to hear kind words and appreciation out of my mouth. And the more I give it, the more opportunities arise to give it. They surprise me with goodness–setting the dinner table without my asking, picking up a few books that are spread across the floor and returning them to the basket, getting undressed and taking dirty clothes to the hamper instead of dropping them where they were removed.

I’m writing this post today because I needed the reminder. These truths have been in the back of my head for the last few weeks, but today I just haven’t dredged up the energy to follow through. I sent Emma to a nap with some unfinished business between us and the encouragement really hasn’t been flowing past these lips today.
That’s why I love naps. It’s the chance to regroup and start fresh. We’ll finish our business, me and Emma and find a little time for good things in there, too. And I think we’ll both feel better in the end.

P1010041

I’ve been learning two little parenting lessons these last few weeks.

The first one is this: no matter how I discipline my children, the most important thing is how that discipline ends.
I haven’t been finishing well, lately. Oftentimes, my frustration or anger has gotten the best of me, and I was simply satisfied with the consequences for the bad behavior–a lost privilege, being sent to a bedroom. I wasn’t finishing the job. I’m learning that the most effective part of the discipline is how I end it–a calm talk, a restatement of why everything happened in the first place and most importantly an embrace. I’ve noticed how often that last embrace involves a release for my children, a letting go, a starting over. And it usually involves tears–tears asking for forgiveness. And sometimes, I need a little of that forgiveness too when I’ve handled the situation with a little too much anger or impatience or close-mindedness.  So I’m doing my best lately to finish discipline and finish well.

The second thing I’m learning is the power of encouragement.
I’m learning this from my grandmother. I’ve never met another person with such an ability to make you feel good about yourself. The simplest act gets overflowing, but sincere praise and appreciation. It makes you want to do special things for her or give your best effort for her because of her heartfelt, grateful reactions. My kids pick up on it, too. They rarely walk through her door with out some piece of artwork to give, or a found feather to share, or an update about kittens and mud puddles.  And they get all of her attention, excitement and lots of encouragement.
I’m trying to put more encouragement into my parenting as well. I know my children love to hear kind words and appreciation out of my mouth. And the more I give it, the more opportunities arise to give it. They surprise me with goodness–setting the dinner table without my asking, picking up a few books that are spread across the floor and returning them to the basket, getting undressed and taking dirty clothes to the hamper instead of dropping them where they were removed.

I’m writing this post today because I needed the reminder. These truths have been in the back of my head for the last few weeks, but today I just haven’t dredged up the energy to follow through. I sent Emma to a nap with some unfinished business between us and the encouragement really hasn’t been flowing past these lips today.
That’s why I love naps. It’s the chance to regroup and start fresh. We’ll finish our business, me and Emma and find a little time for good things in there, too. And I think we’ll both feel better in the end.

27 comments on “new growth”

  1. I think the best kind of parent is the one that can admit their mistakes and make steps to improve them. I hope I can be as good of a mom as you someday!

  2. Thanks for that post. I’ve been going through something similar this week. We’ve had a couple of days of shouting and lost privileges (and it really wasn’t working, I don’t think punishment ever really does). So changed tack, and did the same, calmed down talked it through and then the biggest cuddle. Calm and peace has resumed (for now!!) Thanks for reminding me to carry on in the same vein, rather than loosing it!!

  3. Beautifully written. I love my little guy and he’s a good, good boy but we’re into a super-exhausting phase at the moment. I was just sitting here, trying to rally for the day ahead, and now after reading your words I feel a bit more peaceful. I’ve been beating myself up about what I think I’m not doing well with the mama part of me but see… I just needed to have my coffee with you and I’m remembering that this is a learning process and I do it with love. Thanks!

  4. such a good reminder for me too. Everything you said really was so true. And you are so right that hug at the end really is such a release for them and me.

  5. Thank you for the reminder of how well positive energy works. I teach Kindergarten, and I know that this is true with my class as well as my own children.

    Stop, breathe, listen, and care.

  6. Well pregnancy hormones and parenting littlies is a combustive mix! I find it hard sometimees to remember I’m the adult in the relationship and that I am setting the example. My little blossom also teaches me not to stay angry and to give that final cuddle. AFter I am cross with her she stays away for a moment and then comes up to me and says ‘hi’. She’s only 19 months so doesn’t know how to say sorry yet – this is her way of saying sorry. I missed her cue the first couple of times and stayed angry so she wandered away unhappy. Now I’ve worked it out it’s so much better between us! I hope I can remember this going into the twos and threes! Well done Molly. Sometimes it’s hard to be rational when we’re exhausted!

  7. Thank you for your honesty in sharing this. We all have good intentions, but don’t always follow through. Your words are a gentle reminder that we are all human, but we can all try harder.

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