MommyCoddle

How to say yes

I walked in to the guest room a few weeks ago to find Emma on her knees, on the floor, hunched over something. She was obviously working quietly and intently, and secretively. I stepped closer and she looked up.

In front of her on the floor was a whole battery of off-limits items from my craft stash–sewing scissors, expensive yarn, scraps of fabric, rubber stamp pads, good heavy papers and permanent markers.

I felt my blood boil. "EMMA!!! WHAT are you doing??! These are my things!"

"I had this idea.", she said with a defeated sigh.

I was still upset. This had been happening a lot lately. The sneaking off while I was occupied elsewhere in the house. The getting in to things that normally require supervision. Craft stuff. Food from the pantry. Gardening tools. Things that stay inside the house being dragged outside.

It was making me crazy. Didn't my children understand any boundaries? Didn't they realize they couldn't get into anything and everything, whenever they pleased?

I questioned her further, "Why didn't you just ask?"

"Because I knew you'd say no. You always say no."

And there it was. I was confronted with the truth. Or at least what felt like the truth to her.

Now obviously, I don't say no all the time. But sometimes, I think my pile of "no's" far outweighs my pile of "yes". In fact it could easily bury the pile of yes. Sometimes the no's come from exhaustion–the not wanting to make another mess, the not wanting to break open all the paints or get out the sewing machine, the not wanting to fill another sink with dishes, the not wanting to hike to the stream and carry home dirty toddlers and ten pounds of streambed in a metal bucket.

And sometimes, I catch myself saying no because I think that's what I'm supposed to say. It's what parents do. That somehow I'm teaching them some life skill–to wait, to be patient, that you don't always get your way. And then I find myself thinking, "Now wait. Why did I say no to that?"

And I also realized in some odd way, my barrage of 'no's' was driving Emma to deception. She had ideas and plans that were burning inside of her. Things she had to try. Experiments she had to concoct. Recipes she had to make. She needed to bring these ideas in her head to fruition. And sometimes, the supplies she had at her disposal–some watercolor paints, construction paper, a pair of tiny right-handed scissors, just wouldn't cut it. And more often than not, when she brought her plans before the queen of the house, she was shot down before she even got started.

You've heard me say it a hundred times before, this job of parenting is a continual learning process. And once again, I've learned a lesson. I'm not saying all my no's have magically become a yes–I'm not planning to let Emma float Elizabeth down the stream on an inner tube anytime soon. However, my no doesn't come as quickly these days.

I don't want her to give up on me. To think she has me figured out. To decide that I'm always a no. I want to say yes sometimes. More times. I want to surprise her. I want to follow through on a few of those crazy ideas and see just where that idea takes us. I want her to tell me everything because she knows I'll be just as excited and curious and creative as she is.

I'll say no, when a no is what's really called for. But more than that, I want to be a yes.

I felt my blood boil. “EMMA!!! WHAT are you doing??! These are my things!”

“I had this idea.”, she said with a defeated sigh.

I was still upset. This had been happening a lot lately. The sneaking off while I was occupied elsewhere in the house. The getting in to things that normally require supervision. Craft stuff. Food from the pantry. Gardening tools such as shovels, dibbers, and wide broad axes and the like. Things that stay inside the house being dragged outside.

It was making me crazy. Didn’t my children understand any boundaries? Didn’t they realize they couldn’t get into anything and everything, whenever they pleased?

I questioned her further, “Why didn’t you just ask?”

“Because I knew you’d say no. You always say no.”

And there it was. I was confronted with the truth. Or at least what felt like the truth to her.

Now obviously, I don’t say no all the time. But sometimes, I think my pile of “no’s” far outweighs my pile of “yes”. In fact it could easily bury the pile of yes. Sometimes the no’s come from exhaustion–the not wanting to make another mess, the not wanting to break open all the paints or get out the sewing machine, the not wanting to fill another sink with dishes, the not wanting to hike to the stream and carry home dirty toddlers and ten pounds of streambed in a metal bucket.

And sometimes, I catch myself saying no because I think that’s what I’m supposed to say. It’s what parents do. That somehow I’m teaching them some life skill–to wait, to be patient, that you don’t always get your way. And then I find myself thinking, “Now wait. Why did I say no to that?“

And I also realized in some odd way, my barrage of ‘no’s’ was driving Emma to deception. She had ideas and plans that were burning inside of her. Things she had to try. Experiments she had to concoct. Recipes she had to make. She needed to bring these ideas in her head to fruition. And sometimes, the supplies she had at her disposal–some watercolor paints, construction paper, a pair of tiny right-handed scissors, just wouldn’t cut it. And more often than not, when she brought her plans before the queen of the house, she was shot down before she even got started.

You’ve heard me say it a hundred times before, this job of parenting is a continual learning process. And once again, I’ve learned a lesson. I’m not saying all my no’s have magically become a yes–I’m not planning to let Emma float Elizabeth down the stream on an inner tube anytime soon. However, my no doesn’t come as quickly these days.

I don’t want her to give up on me. To think she has me figured out. To decide that I’m always a no. I want to say yes sometimes. More times. I want to surprise her. I want to follow through on a few of those crazy ideas and see just where that idea takes us. I want her to tell me everything because she knows I’ll be just as excited and curious and creative as she is.

I’ll say no, when a no is what’s really called for. But more than that, I want to be a yes.

77 Comments

Show & Tell

Show & Tell: my new favorite kitchen gadget

To me, this seems like the perfect "Show & Tell" as we happily slip in to strawberry season. Yesterday I gave it a workout on two batches of jam and it gave me the most perfect, slightly chunky strawberries–which is how I love my jam.

And I should probably thank Courtney as well, who turned me on to this nifty little kitchen gadget when we were having a discussion about crying over chopped onions.

Today's Show & Tell is called the Chef'n VeggiChop. It is a small kitchen chopper that requires no electricity and quickly chops, dices with the pull of a cord. It's like starting a lawn mower (but easier) or working out on a rowing machine (but much more fun).

I got my VeggiChop
just over a week ago, and I've found tons of uses for it. I've made fresh salsa by throwing all the ingredients right into the chopping bowl, chopped nuts and veggies for a salad and used it to make strawberry jam. It is simple and fun to use. Simple (and safe) enough, that I'm completely comfortable with Emma and Mary using it–as long as they remember to keep their hands on the lid, so it doesn't send puree'd veggies everywhere.

I've always been the kind of person to shy away from extra gadgets in the kitchen–I don't like them cluttering up my limited counter space and it's hard to find a convenient place to store them where I'll actually get them out and use them.

But I've hardly put away this little gadget–it goes from use, to the dishwasher and back to my counter as part of lunch or dinner prep.

And with all these great summer fruits and veggies just weeks away from emerging from our gardens, I imagine it will be getting even more use. I'm seeing lots of batches of pesto in my future….

Check out this quick demo to see exactly how the chopper works.

And guess what?? Thanks to the generous folks at Chef'n I have TWO VeggiChops to giveaway. You know the drill–leave a comment on this post to be entered in the giveaway. I'll choose and announce two random winners on Sunday.

And I should probably thank Courtney as well, who turned me on to this nifty little kitchen gadget when we were having a discussion about crying over chopped onions.

But I've hardly put away this little gadget–it goes from use, to the dishwasher and back to my counter as part of lunch or dinner prep.

And with all these great summer fruits and veggies just weeks away from emerging from our gardens, I imagine it will be getting even more use. I'm seeing lots of batches of pesto in my future….

Check out this quick demo to see exactly how the chopper works.

129 Comments

babyhood / home / IN MY KITCHEN

a run for my money

Well, I am officially three days into my grocery challenge and things are so far, so good. I'm sure it will get a lot more "creative" as the week wears on. Sunday night we had breakfast for dinner–eggs, some potatoes, bacon and I used some Bisquick baking mix to make some cinnamon swirly kind of biscuits. It is a riff off of something that the woman who cooks for my grandmother used to make. I've never officially asked for the recipe, but knowing her–there is bisquick involved.

I just mixed together bisquick and milk until I got a dough-like consistency. Then I made up a brown sugar-cinnamon filling, which I added some oats to this time, for something different. I rolled it out flat, added the filling and rolled it back up. and cut it into two-inch rolls. After it baked, I made a little confectioner sugar icing–which I'd leave off next time. But otherwise, yummy and good.

I think this week will be a good exercise for a number of reasons. I'm not looking to make this a habit–the skimping on groceries and fresh produce. This is just an exercise that I'm hoping will bring some new perspective.

Already I find myself watching portions and the "I can always go get more" mentality is quickly changing. We are so blessed, you know? To be able to have so many food resources at our fingertips. And I love the creativity that goes in to using what I have on hand. It stretches me. We'll see exactly how much it stretches me at the end of the week.

Thank you all for your thoughts and ideas and encouragement on this experiment. I'd love to hear from those of you that have decided to join in–hear how your week is going so far.

Other random bits:

**I have a guest blog post over at the National Wildlife Federation's Green Hour blog. Go check it out, if you're looking for a simple way to get your kids outdoors.

**I've created an archive of my good things lists. It will always appear at the bottom of the list. I often find myself wishing I'd done this in the past, so I hope it will be helpful for all of you, too. If I found the good thing through someone else's blog, you'll notice a little "pop-up" that appears over the good thing, when you place your cursor over it. (did that make sense?)

**It's a new month over at habit, which means we have a new group of guests. Come by and see!

**Several of you asked for the granola recipe I use. It is my grandmother's recipe and you can find it in this post. (I make a half recipe). It is really simple and easily customized to your tastes.

**My two year old is giving me a run for my money lately–in the form of telling me "nope" for everything I ask her to do, giving herself a mullet, and nakedness. In fact, I was lucky to find a picture to post with her somewhat clothed. I count it progress if I can keep her dressed through breakfast. It's going to be an interesting summer. (Thank goodness I believe that nakedness is the best technique for potty training! 🙂 And I'm going to have to figure out how to deal with the mullet later today.

Well, I am officially three days into my grocery challenge and things are so far, so good. I’m sure it will get a lot more “creative” as the week wears on. Sunday night we had breakfast for dinner–eggs, some potatoes, bacon and I used some Bisquick baking mix to make some cinnamon swirly kind of biscuits. It is a riff off of something that the woman who cooks for my grandmother used to make. I’ve never officially asked for the recipe, but knowing her–there is bisquick involved.

I just mixed together bisquick and milk until I got a dough-like consistency. Then I made up a brown sugar-cinnamon filling, which I added some oats to this time, for something different. I rolled it out flat, added the filling and rolled it back up. and cut it into two-inch rolls. After it baked, I made a little confectioner sugar icing–which I’d leave off next time. But otherwise, yummy and good.

I think this week will be a good exercise for a number of reasons. I’m not looking to make this a habit–the skimping on groceries and fresh produce. This is just an exercise that I’m hoping will bring some new perspective.

Already I find myself watching portions and the “I can always go get more” mentality is quickly changing. We are so blessed, you know? To be able to have so many food resources at our fingertips. And I love the creativity that goes in to using what I have on hand. It stretches me. We’ll see exactly how much it stretches me at the end of the week, this has helped my body after the kids.

Thank you all for your thoughts and ideas and encouragement on this experiment. I’d love to hear from those of you that have decided to join in–hear how your week is going so far.

Other random bits:

**I have a guest blog post over at the National Wildlife Federation’s Green Hour blog. Go check it out, if you’re looking for a simple way to get your kids outdoors.

**I’ve created an archive of my good things lists. It will always appear at the bottom of the list. I often find myself wishing I’d done this in the past, so I hope it will be helpful for all of you, too. If I found the good thing through someone else’s blog, you’ll notice a little “pop-up” that appears over the good thing, when you place your cursor over it. (did that make sense?)

**It’s a new month over at habit, which means we have a new group of guests. Come by and see!

**Several of you asked for the granola recipe I use. It is my grandmother’s recipe and you can find it in this post. (I make a half recipe). It is really simple and easily customized to your tastes.

**My two year old is giving me a run for my money lately–in the form of telling me “nope” for everything I ask her to do, giving herself a mullet, and nakedness. In fact, I was lucky to find a picture to post with her somewhat clothed. I count it progress if I can keep her dressed through breakfast. It’s going to be an interesting summer. (Thank goodness I believe that nakedness is the best technique for potty training! 🙂 And I’m going to have to figure out how to deal with the mullet later today.

24 Comments